"Bird Control Pills?"

FYI- I am changing the names of the Korean peoples so that I don't get sued or whatever they do here (get thrown in jail, etc...)

Oh let's just say that in the past couple of days Erin and I have been cautiously optimistic. Why? Well, Erin hasn't been yelled at again. I haven't been yelled at period. Everyone in our group  says that I am "The Golden Child". Why? Probably because I haven't pitched a fit since we got here. Even Mr. Kim (the patriarch of the family) told me in front of everyone that he couldn't believe I was behaving so calmly after what happened to my luggage. I told him that there was no sense in kicking a wall cause 1. I'm not 5 years old and 2. It's not gonna resolve anything (Even though it would've made me feel a hella lot better). He gave me the "Ahh" as well as a Samurai head nod. 

Ruby (the headmistress/wife of Mr. Kim) has now unofficially made me the Head Teacher. I cannot tell you how very much I hate this. I had to tell California that Ruby wanted me to talk to him about his performance in class and she also sent me there to supervise then report back. Sigh... I went and told California what was up and he seemed upset. I then told him not to worry cause he was and still is my pal and I will totally stick up for him. I don't have any plans of throwing ANYONE under the bus. As I was supervising his class, we heard loud yelling and banging on the walls from Narky's (Ruby's weasel-y brother) class. I honestly HATE him. He squeals on everyone. He also is a dog. No, not the cute kind that I have but the dirty old man kind. All he does is stare at Erin's boobs hungrily. I want to punch the Hell out of him. 

What happened today? Huh, lets see. Narky comes in and informs me in a matter of fact tone that he was taking me to get a Government mandated physical. I was like "Huh?! What?!". They then informed me that I was to go after my 3:30 class. Narky was waiting for me in the teacher's lounge. Erin was there, she had just gotten back and told me that it was "Scary as Hell". I, at that point started to hyperventilate and my eyes started to water up. Erin then said "You stop that right now It's gonna be OK, really". As I was calming down, Narky asks me if I take any medication. The conversation goes like this:

Me: "Yes, birth control for the hormones"

Narky: "Bird Control?" (puzzled stare)

Me: "No, birth control. It's so that you can't have babies"

Narky: "Birds?"

Me: "No, pills so that you cannot get pregnant. I take it because I need the hormones"

Narky: "I don't understand what you are saying"

Me: "Sigh" (at this point I am dying of embarrassment because I am yelling this out in the       teacher's lounge).

Narky: "What is this?"

Me: "Type in 'Yaz' in Google please"

Narky: (after fiddling on the computer and reading) "Ahh, Ohh" (stares at me in a seriously creepy way) then says "OK let's go".

He takes me to the hospital which happens to be conveniently located across the street. The place looks like I stepped into the Starship Enterprise. Everything looked white and spaceship-y. the whole time I'm thinking this cannot be happening. I was also thinking that everything better be sanitized and I hope I don't catch a disease while I'm here. Then Narky takes me to get checked in. He then says "I don't know how to say, uhh... you have to shit in cup". I say "What do you mean I have to shit in cup?". He had just handed me a cup that anyone else would pee in. He then says "Uhh, I dunno Shit?".  I then say "Narky- do you want me to pee in the cup or shit in the cup?". He says "Ohh, pee is good". I then say "OK then". I am led into a bathroom where the toilet looks like it's gonna attack me. At this point I want to curl up into a ball and cry. But I don't I go on. I take my non-shit filled cup to the nurses then they direct me to the locker room. I am handed keys to my own locker with hangers. I am instructed to take everything from the waist and up off. 

As I emerge from the locker room with a robe-y looking thing on I notice that I seem to be the only patient in the whole place. I am taken to get my blood pressure taken. The nurse writes 130/80. I don't know if that's good or bad. I then get wheeled over to the blood taking station. I immediately start to hyperventilate but calm myself down cause it would do no good to pass out or burst out crying (yeah, yeah I'm a big baby- so what?). After the blood taking (which btw- I didn't even get a bad-aid) I was taken to get chest X-rays done. The lady was a friggin Nazi. She pressed me up against the machine and shuffled my boobs all around. It felt so wrong. As she stepped out she barked "Don't breathe!". I was then taken by the kind nurse lady to speak to the doc. She sat me down and asked 1 question "Do you have any diseases?" I said "Nope". She then told me that I could go. All that sitting in her office to be asked 1 stupid question that they would find the answer out by checking my blood? How lame. I then dressed up and shot out of there like a bat out of hell. 

I'm still traumatized.